tumblr culture in 2012: touch my butt and buy me pizza
tumblr culture now: choke me and hit me with your car
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the parks and recreation theme song is what the inside of a golden retriever’s head sounds like
i just heard my mom say “there’s no reason to act like a dick” and there’s no one else downstairs so i know she’s talking to one of our cats
my talents include
-choking on nothing but air and spit
-asking ‘what?’ and then immediately processing what you said
-making a fool of myself trying to get wild cats to let me pet them
-compensating for hours of procrastination with minutes of panic and superhuman speed
